Peace maker or peace keeper?

So really what is the difference between a peace maker and a peace keeper? Well the online dictionary defines a peacekeeper as: “a person who maintains or restores peace and amity; mediator” and a peacemaker to be: “a person...that tries to make peace...” I don’t know about you, but those sound very similar to me upon first reading the definitions. But they are fundamentally different. 

As the actual words would imply a peacekeeper will keep peace and a peacemaker will make peace. I myself have always been a peacekeeper even when I know what I’m keeping is really anything but peace. I’ll keep controlled chaos if it masquerades as peace. Just as long as everyone is getting along, it doesn’t matter that no one feels free to be themselves. Talk about not rocking the boat, I’d do everything I could to keep the boat from ever rocking-by me or anyone else. But that’s not really peace. 

The hard thing about peacemaking is that it sometimes looks nothing like peace in its pursuit. As my wise cop cousin once said, "Sometimes the only way to make peace is to fight for it. " And we all know that fighting looks nothing like peace. 

I battle how to make sense of my place in this world and how to become the woman God wants me to be when I’ve got even my definitions backwards and mixed up. I trust though that the end result of truly having peace that was made will be far greater than keeping fake peace has been. Maybe I’ve just gotten them out of order. make peace first then keep it after-hum yes that’s doable!

World Vision

Last Sunday was Orphan Care day. A lot of preachers chose to present a sermon based on our role in the lives of widows and orphans. I believe I have always had a heart for orphans, and children in general, but Sunday I was presented with the question of what am I doing (rather going to do) about it? What can I do, really? I have a bazillion reasons why I shouldn’t take a role in caring for orphans. There’s one reason I should that outweighs all the “yeah buts”. That reason is that Jesus has a heart for orphans and He’s blessed me with enough to be His arms and feet to some of those broken children. Although I (and my family) am praying about how exactly I should get involved, there was something very clear: I can give a little money each month to support an orphan or needy child in another country. How easy it is for me to sit in my well-furnished apartment with food in the fridge, more than enough clean clothes in my closet and health insurance with a doctor within a mile of me and think I don’t have anything to give these people. Well, that’s enough of that! If God’s given it to me then I need to bless others with it too! I read a quote recently that reads something like this: “I don’t know how much of our salary we should give back to God, but I do know that we ought to give more than we think we can spare.” So I will take the step of faith that God will multiply this money for those children. It’s really more than I can spare, but let’s see what God does with it!

On a similar but different note, I was browsing photos of the children needing sponsors on World Vision recently and some of the children’s names are: Perfect, Confidence, Blessings, Planmore, Precious. I was touched by their names. In a culture riddled with famine, destitution and disease, where many die from lack of food and medical supplies it shows such faith the parents had in naming their child who could have been considered a burden “yet one more mouth to feed”. I do hope that each of those children find the blessing of their name and their future bright-for someone out there will feel drawn to support them. 

Wondering about the names of the children that we chose to sponsor? Their names are “Rubina” and “Partha”. The kids each chose one to sponsor and that’s who they were drawn to. I look forward to getting to know them as they grow up!

Makes me ponder the fact that God will give all of us a new name in Heaven. If it has anything to do with our works here on earth, I’m sure at least right now a name such as “Stingy” or “Worried” might be the most accurate. Fortunately for me though, God will give us a name from which He sees us not based on our actions. I can only hope that I’ll live in the knowledge that God has a name for me-one that speaks of His infinite love. May I truly become a woman worthy of such a name. For now though, my highest calling and blessed gift is to be called “Mommy”. May I remember the next generation and what I’m teaching them about God, family, love and generosity. 

New to blogspot

Well, I am finally joining the masses. I won't jump off a cliff if everyone else does, but this blogging thing felt a little less risky. So here I am. I've had my blog elsewhere and will attempt to move my posts here to keep everything concise. In the meantime I will continue to post on my other blog until I get a feel for it. I will follow the crowd once I'm convinced that the crowd is worth following.

Until then allow me to explain my blog title. A to the Nth Degree. I've been called Type-A, A positive, A squared. I think I just might be a bit anal retentive. This blog name was created from that concept so I am A to the Nth Degree. Clever if I do say so myself! I am trying to change that about myself though (being type A not the clever part) so I'm using my blog as a way to blog through my A-cubed emotions. Lucky you eh! Perhaps by my next blog post, I'll have improved some...or not. Only time will tell!

Thanks for joining me on this journey!

Loyalty

I feel as sense of loyalty to some of the strangest things! I did something today that I’ve resisted doing for a while. I created this account on blogspot. And I feel badly for doing so. I know, it’s crazy! Why on earth would I feel loyal to my other website/blog when I’ve not been overly thrilled with it. It has been fine overall, but I’m starting to notice areas I want to change but don’t know how. So for many reasons, I’m packing up my trusty website and moving everything over to this new one. Not right now, mind you, but eventually. I’ve got to work through my blah emotions over the change first. I feel like I've got things backwards when I feel loyal to something small like a blog page but not necessarily loyal when it's something big.

Fearless

Books by Max Lucado can be picked up and not put down until I’ve finished them. Fearless is no exception. The cover alone invokes the carefree days of childhood. Don’t we all wish we’d realized just how easy life was before we had to grow up? Well I sure do!

The statistics in the book are staggering. For example, “ordinary children today are more fearful than psychiatric patients were in the 1950s.” and “For the first time since the end of the Second World War, parents expect that life for the next generation will be worse than it was for them.” and “Reporter Bob Garfield tracked health articles in major publications and discovered that, among other health issues, 59 million Americans have heart disease, 53 million Americans have migraines, 25 million Americans have osteoporosis, 16 million struggle with obesity, 3 million have cancer and 2 million have severe brain disorders. Reportedly, in total, 543 million Americans consider themselves to be seriously sick, a troubling figure since there are 266 million people in the country. As Garfield noted, ‘Either as a society we are doomed, or someone is seriously double-dipping.’”

I myself struggle with fear. Every day, for reasons that can’t be explained I fear the unknown, the “what ifs”, the “if onlys” just to name a few. I am scared to death and don’t know what to do about it. That’s why I picked up Lucado’s book:I want to but can’t imagine my life without fear. In short, fear defines who I am. But that’s about to change. God gives us a “formula”, if you will, for dealing with our doubts and fears: focus on what He’s already done and get surrounded by those in His family. 

The part of the book that stood out the most to me was in the chapter titled, “Caffeinated Life”.  It addresses the question of “what’s next”.  Here’s an excerpt from the end of that chapter that opened my eyes to a new way of looking at unexplained hardship here on earth. Of course we can’t know if this is accurate, but we are all looking for a bit of hope in our dark valleys, so I clung to the words.

    

                “...what about the tragic [events] God permits?...do such moments serve a purpose?

                They do if we see them from an eternal perspective. What makes no sense in this life 

                will make perfect sense in the next. I have proof:you in the womb. I know you don’t 

                remember this prenatal season, so let me remind you what happened during it. Every

                gestational day equipped you for your earthly life. Your bones solidified, your eyes 

                developed, the umbilical cord transported nutrients into your growing frame...for what

                reason? So you might remain enwombed? Quite the contrary. Womb time equipped 

                you for earth time, suited you up for your postpartum existence. Some prenatal features 

                went unused before birth. You grew a nose but didn’t breathe. Eyes developed, but could

                you see? Your tongue, toenails, and crop of hair served no function in your mother’s belly.

                But aren’t you glad you have them now? Certain chapters of this life seem so unnecessary,

                like nostrils on the preborn. Suffering. Loneliness. Disease. Holocausts. Martyrdom. 

                Monsoons. If we assume this world exists just for pregrave happiness, these atrocities 

                disqualify it from doing so. But what if this earth is the womb? Might these challenges, 

                severe as they may be, serve to prepare us, equip us for the world to come?”

I give the book a thumbs up! In fact, I hope to add it to my own book collection. Read it, then tell me what you think!

          

Old and Out on the Town

I got a text from a very good friend asking if I was free this past weekend for a girls night out. She and I went to high school together but have only seen each other once since then. It was time for a girls night out. With the dads watching the kids, we headed out for our all-night adventure. The last time we went out we were teenagers and crashed a party. Now in our early thirties, we wondered what to do. She doesn’t live in the capital town that I do so we thought we’d do some tourist-y things here. 

We walked the longest pedestrian bridge (that I know of) which is lit up with colorful lights over the river. It was beautiful and allowed us to catch up a bit and also plan our night.

From there we headed to a local comedy club. Neither of us having been there, we were confused by the line of people sitting inside the ticket-purchasing booth telling each other jokes. We don’t know for certain what they were doing since we decided to move on.

Our next stop was the outdoor market downtown. Filled with bars, restaurants and fun night life, we were sure we’d find something interesting. We did. We ate a light extremely tasty dinner at an establishment known for its beer selection. I wasn’t drinking (I’m allergic to wheat, plus I’ve been battling a sore throat so alcohol was out for me-not to mention I’ve had a problem with alcohol in the past) but my friend tried a hard cider which she said was very good, and a “double chocolate stout float” which she said was not very good. We listened to excellent live music in a room with saucers covering every square inch of the walls and ceiling. The part we liked best was the line of tap spouts in the wall with a penny backsplash. Okay so I don’t know if I described that well (and I didn’t get a photo) but hopefully you get the idea.

From there we decided to walk up and down the street enjoying the entertainment and sounds of fun coming from each location. Among them we saw: a dual piano bar; a local sporting team clothing store, another bar with oddly a woman giving a lap-dance to a man standing up (which of course we all know the lap disappears when standing so what would they call that?) and walked over yet another bridge over the river. 

Needing to use the restroom, we headed back to where we’d already paid the cover fee. It was just after 11 when we started yawning. Fortunately we recognized that we’ve matured (some might say we’ve gotten old) enough to not have to stay out until the wee hours of the morning if we didn’t want to. So when we tired of the couple inappropriately making out in the very public corner, and the drama of the ladies around us, we headed for home. 

Overall we called it a success because after all we did stay out almost 6 hours! So we might be old and party poopers but we had fun catching up with each others lives and at the end of the night agreed that we needed to go out again soon! I’m going to make that happen and maybe this time we’ll make it to midnight!...but we’re both okay if we don’t.

I Need You To Love Me

BarlowGirl sing tons of great songs. This one in particular has struck a chord with me the last couple weeks, so I thought I’d share. I might do this often because I’m finding more artists who have songs that “speak to me”. Hope you enjoy them. This one is from the album Another Journal Entry. Lyrics follow.

"Why? Why are You still here with me?

Didn’t You see what I’ve done?

In my shame I want to run,

And hide myself.

Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,

I don’t deserve You.

But I need You to love me,

And I, I won’t keep my heart from You this time.

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time

Pushing You away from me.

I just never saw how You

Could cherish me.

Cause You’re a God who has all things, 

And still You want me.

And I need You to love me,

And I, I won’t keep my heart from You this time.

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

Yeah, ye-ea-eah

Your love makes me forget what I have been.

Your love makes me see who I really am.

Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.

And I need You to love me, yeah

I need You to love me, ye-ea-eah!

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need You to love me, yeah

I need You to… 

oh oh oh oh oh (x4)

Love me, love me, yah"