Baking Bread

I’ve been thinking for a while now that I want to start blogging again. Of course then the question of where to start. It’s been so long since I’ve blogged should I catch people up? or maybe just start where I am?  This is my blog so I guess I get to decide what I want to write about first after my absence.

And what I want to write is that I really enjoy the smell of freshly baked bread!

I guess it’s better to write something than wait around for the “right” thing to write when there really is no “right” thing. I’ll write more-sometime!

Don't Go There

Why are some things so difficult to talk about? I was sexually abused as a child. There I said it. Yet I feel shame in even typing the words into my computer-as though it’s my fault or I’m the one who did something wrong. I’m such a people pleaser that I hesitate to say anything that might make people uncomfortable. And I for one am uncomfortable when anyone brings up abuse. I’ve lived my life trying to cover that up. But deep down I knew the truth. Figuratively speaking, it’s like underneath my crisp clean dress, I know I’m wearing dirty underwear. Intellectually I believe certain things like it wasn’t my fault, I have nothing to be ashamed of, and the like...but that does nothing to change what my heart feels. Maybe if these topics weren’t so taboo..maybe if I had more courage to face rejection...maybe if I keep pretending that it doesn’t affect me...maybe one day I’ll be free from this pain...maybe. But then again, maybe not.

Forgotten Memories

I've always wanted to be more creative. I've never been overly skilled at drawing (my stick figures are hard to recognize) or designing or singing. I spent a lot of years wishing I could do those things and admiring those who can-who am I kidding? I still spend time wishing I could do those things. One of my room mates in college had the most beautiful voice that I have ever heard. (Not the room mate who woke me up singing opera every morning!) Recently I was inspired to learn something new, so I checked out some books on learning to draw from the library.

It brought back a memory. When I went through my items (left in storage when we moved out of the country when I was a teenager) a couple of months ago I found some things I'd forgotten about. One of them was a book on drawing. For a birthday present when I was 9 or so I received a book on drawing along with different lead pencils, sketch pad and a gummy eraser. I don't know the technical terms, but I know they were specific to drawing. I tried to draw an animal in the book but gave up after two tries when it wasn't perfect. I traced it then never touched it again. I wonder sometimes at the things I missed out on- because I wouldn't try it if it wasn't perfect, I gave up. I probably would not have become a famous artist but I missed the opportunity to learn and practice a skill. Regardless of what I missed, I'm embracing the opportunity I have now. To self-teach myself with the freedom to fail as well as give my children the freedom to explore new skills.

Back to the nightly grind

Well I started back to work last night. It's amazing how my body reacts to different situations. When I wasn't working I didn't eat after dinner (even if I stayed active) and went to bed around 11. Getting back into "work routine," I found I was hungry at 9pm (break time) and tired about 10. I really am a creature of habit. 

It was very nice to have some time alone. One of the things I've liked about this job is that I get to be by myself-yes, I'm working but I'm by myself and since it really isn't busy season yet there are very few employees. So I take the opportunity to listen to books, music or sermons on my iPod. No kids demanding my time, no house projects reminding me what else needs to be done...I like the work and they pay me to do it! (And after my one-year review recently I got a raise!) How cool is that!?! 

I feel badly about needing to take two weeks off starting soon though-since I did just get back, but hey that's the great thing about having a part-time job with an amazing boss! I feel very fortunate and blessed. Now let’s see if I can get all the sleep I need.

The Circus

I am such a kid at heart. I love the circus. I took the kids last year and anticipated its return for a year. I laugh and am amazed right along with all the children. I participate in the chicken dance when other adults don't. I don't remember going to the circus as a child. I've mostly lived in small towns, where it would have been a long drive to attend one. So with my children in tow, I get to re-live some of those fun parts of childhood. This year the kids are at the perfect age to enjoy this type of festivity (almost as much as I do). So we got to ride an elephant-all of us. The trapeze artists were comical and the hula-hoop girl was impressive. I know it was entirely too much money to spend on a frivolity but then again it's once a year. In a couple of months I'll be able to blog about the fair! Now if only I can find someone who'll ride the roller coaster rides with me. Big cheesy grin!

Fun Summer Days

I took the kids to the zoo yesterday. It was a blast! I needed to get a baby shower gift so the kids and I trekked up to a big town about 70 miles from where we live. I forgot how much I enjoy going to the zoo. Right now the kids are at a great age to visit the zoo-especially our particular zoo because it is extremely kid-friendly! I enjoy the flowers as much-if not more-than the animals! Many different sections of the zoo are dedicated to someone and cared for by their loved ones. So the variety is great. When we went the irises were in full bloom. Of course I forgot my camera or I’d have some amazing photos to wow you.  Oh well. I’ll do my best to draw word pictures for you-although my professors always told me I was just too wordy...and couldn’t draw. Bear with me! The zoo is built on both sides of a lake with plenty of bridges and outlooks. Near the water you’ll find food you can feed the ducks and geese. Having gone when we did there were numerous goslings and ducklings trailing their mamas through the water. My kids especially loved feeding the babies. One family of geese in particular joined us on the overlook and hissed at us when we tried to walk by. We continued on. In past visits the fish and fowl fought for the food, if only I could be at water level to take a photo it would look like they are kissing-well without all the wing-flapping!

The day we attended was mere days before they opened the “Splash Pond”. It’s a water park for the kids with water coming up from the ground and dumped from overhead, etc. There’s a large playground in the middle next to the petting/feeding zoo. We enjoyed our lunch in the old stagecoach, watching the male peacock sing his song while he strutted around with his plumes spread upright. The sight was amazing! I was really bummed that I didn’t have my camera so I could join the others having their children stand in front of him for the photo op. After the petting zoo and plenty of hand sanitizer (provided by the zoo) we compared our “wingspan” to those of a bee hummingbird, eagle, vulture and condor among others. Although my daughter wasn’t so keen on the idea, we put our heads into a lion’s mouth...to get a drink out of the drinking fountain. Ah to have remembered the camera! 

Past the lions head we encountered some very randy monkeys. I won’t go into detail! But upon leaving I felt a bit violated. I quickly ushered the children on to the next exhibit. I thought they’d enjoy the apes, but instead were drawn to a small cage with a hedgehog running circles-seemingly to capture our attention. The kids asked what it was and when I told the it was a hedgehog, my daughter proclaimed that it looked more like a “pork chop”. I think she was trying to say porcupine but it didn’t come out right. I laughed about that for a while! 

The zoo is shaped in a pseudo-circle, as to allow many exhibits to be viewed from more than one location. While outside admiring the lions, there were people viewing them from behind glass in a building to our left. The best part of the day was when my son looked at the people and said, “Wow Mom, what’s that’s exhibit?” referring to the people inside. I chuckled about the “human exhibit” well, I’m still chuckling about it! Kids say the darnedest things!

You know though while I was sitting on a bench watching wild animals and birds act like we are their friends it occurred to me that these animals live in protected areas and likely always have. They’ve been taught not to fear humans. I saw a correlation between how those animals acted and how I view Christianity. I’ve lived as though satan and sin are not to be avoided because I’m “protected” by God. There’s probably more that could be applied to my life, but for that that’s enough! 

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"The zoo is a place for animals to study the behavior of human beings." Unknown

Hopefully soon I'll catch up

Not tonight dears, I have a headache. I had great intentions (for the past number of weeks) to blog. I’ve got a list of events I’d like to write about. So one of these days I will be up for it. Tonight however, I’m headed to bed! Sweet dreams to you all!