Radical

I recently finished reading the book Radical by David Platt. It's a good book, very challenging but I'd encourage you to read it. That's not why I'm writing about the book though. Here's why I'm writing. The author, a pastor of a mega church in the south, has traveled multiple times overseas to serve and led a huge church to revival...and he's the same age as I am. That makes me ponder my last 33 years. Have I made any sort of impact on the world for Christ at all? My husband tells me that attempting to rear three Godly children in today's society will make an impact on the world. Somehow it doesn't seem close enough. I'm impatient enough to want to see results sooner than the impact they potentially could make down the road. I'm inspired to find ways of making my time here count.

First blog this year

I had such good intentions of blogging more. I didn't think my first blog this year would be at the end of June. But then again my life is rarely what I plan so I should be used to it by now.

So looking through my blog list I found a number of blogs that hadn't been published yet, but I wrote last year. So I'm publishing some of them now, but that still makes this my first blog of this year.

It's quiet today. Kids are all reading books and laying low. My son and one daughter are feeling ill so that might be part of it. I enjoy the quiet-gives me time to think and do other things. I've been preparing my school stuff for next year. We've only been out of school for a week but I like to be prepared! Okay so off I go to do some other things while it's quiet and I still can.

I've spent many years getting just "close enough" to the people in my life. I'd say I've gotten pretty good at letting people see enough of me to have them believe we are close but far enough away that I don't feel vulnerable. Well that's all about to change. I wish I could say it's by revelation of healthier living but unfortunately this isn't my choice. I'm about to move back  in with my parents after not having lived with them for over a decade. My husband got laid off and we have nowhere else to go. This is an uncertain time in my life-both financially and relationally. Not only will we be living with my parents but my ailing grandparents will be moving in at the same time. Change is imminent whether it's asked for or not.

Procrastinating

Yesterday was anti-procrastination day, so today I get to procrastinate, right?

Written 10/20/11

Questioning God

If you could ask just one question of God, what would it be? That's a question that was recently posted on facebook. As I read through 126 comments I was struck with the similarity of the questions. There were three themes to what people wanted to know of God. The first was, why do bad things happen? The second was when are You coming back? The third was, what is your purpose for my life.

I have found myself asking those same three questions of God at random times throughout my life. I've settled the questions of why God let's bad things happen, and when is He returning home. I am currently camped at the "what is your purpose for my life" question. Just when I think I have some sort of understanding, I'm hit with another blow that seems to prove me wrong. I want so badly to do God's will for my life, but sometimes it seems so elusive. If only I knew what it was, I'd do it.

Regardless of all the questions, come Lord Jesus, come!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

I started reading He Loves Me for the second time. The first chapter talks about how most people use the daisy-petal method of determining how God feels about us at any given time. I, for one, am very guilty of doing this. For example, my husband got the job he wanted=He loves me, our house for sale hasn't sold for a year and a half now=He loves me not, I got pregnant=He loves me, I got sick=He loves me not; husband is losing his job=He loves me not, etc. Although there are many problems with this method it also gives me plenty of "evidence" that it's possible to and I should try to earn God's favor. I really must not pay attention when I read the Bible because that theology is in contrast to what it says. Some days it's just harder to trust God than other days...today is one of those days.

Built-in time to blog

My husband and I decided the other day to have the kids journal what they learned in homeschooling each day. I realized that this would be a good scheduled opportunity for me to blog. I haven't been regular about posting blogs lately and so much has been going on. My daughter is now 5 weeks old. Time goes so quickly and sometimes I look at my older children and am struck by how old they are and how soon it will be before they are grown and moving out.

My son is such an intellectual child with a sensitive streak. He desires to please. Recently he's become more of a stereotypical boy by jumping off the walls and flipping pencils off the table. He is so gentle with his baby sister though. He wants to be a dad when he grows up and I can tell he will be a wonderful father when he's older.

My daughter is so very different than I. In many ways, she's who I always wanted to be. She's a gifted dancer and singer. She paints and draws with reckless abandon. She lives life fully and doesn't let anyone slow her down. Of course as her mom it drives me crazy at times! I don't know how to harness her energy in a healthy way. I pray God gives extra grace as I fail her.

My infant's personality is hard to see right now but she is wonderful! I'm extremely blessed to have added another arrow in my quiver! Never more than with small babies do I see how inter-relational God made us all. She does everything in her power to be and remain in my arms-since I am her sole source of food. It's an honor to be a mother and I believe a calling above all others.

It would be so much harder to be a good mother without the support and love of a good husband. My husband is under excruciating stress with the job hunt, moving, etc. He calls it a mid-life crisis. At least he isn't calling it life in general! Could always be worse. :)