Calling In - sick again

"...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst." Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15

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I’m sitting here at the computer while my family is at church this morning without me. I know it should be terrible, but I don’t mind the peace and quiet. I’m feeling a little ill. In fact, I’ve been fighting a cold all week. My boss is very understanding, yet I had a hard time calling in sick to work. I work one night a week, yet somehow managed to call in sick twice this past week! How’d I manage that, you ask? Well, when I called in sick on my scheduled night I asked if I could make up those hours on a different night-on which I was still sick and had to call in again. Either I don’t want to let people down, or I think extremely highly of myself.

I battle sickness quite a bit and I never want people to question the validity of my ailment. Sounds so childish-I mean, I never remember skipping school, or claiming I was sick when I wasn’t so I could get out of doing something. But somehow it’s stuck. There’s one person in my past who used to “accuse” me of making it up. I didn’t. Why would I let one person’s opinion affect me every time I’m a bit under the weather? I wish I weren’t like that, but I do care what people think-sometimes a bit too much, I suppose. I’ll get over it-the sickness I mean, I’m not so sure about whether or not I’ll “get over” caring what people think about me. It is a great motivator...when it’s used correctly. 

I don’t think God minds that I’m calling in sick from going to church today. I’d prefer not to deal with the “religiosity” of church. At times, it feels like everyone is putting on their happiest “face” along with their best clothes and go try to impress each other. We’re all hurting in some way or another, why all the facade? I know we’re commanded to fellowship with other believers, and it’s great to sit under an inspired Biblical scholar. I’ve found church can distract me from communicating with God (see above where I care what people think). I’ve taken to downloading sermons from our old church in another state and listening to them slowly. By slowly I mean, really chewing on what’s being said, stop the ipod and pray about something God’s put on my heart and pondering the sermon afterward-as opposed to hearing it live wondering what’s for lunch. Okay, so maybe I’m the only person who doesn’t go home after church and think on the things I just heard. Somehow life gets involved and I find myself getting lunch and dealing with the kids and not spending the time I want to listening to what God desires to tell me. I talk with God all the time. Probably the real-est I’ve ever been with Him. I know He’d prefer (and deserves) my undivided attention when He’s trying to share something with me. I pray I always find time for that-be it in the church surrounded by people, or being in the desert surrounded by creation. Caring what God knows of me continues to be the absolute best motivator for lasting change.